The Case for Using Spanking as Discipline

               As I meet with families who are struggling, one issue comes to the forefront continually.  Parents have trouble choosing disciplinary methods.  One faction of the parents I work with advocate using corporal punishment—spanking, which may be done with only an open hand, or conversely, with the use of a prop (a wooden spoon, a switch, or a belt, for example), to discipline the children in their families.  Parents that advocate spanking feel their philosophy is justified based on what their parents did when they were small, saying things like, “My parents spanked me, and I turned out okay!” and by referring to Biblical references like “Spare the rod and spoil the child!”   On the other side of the fence is the parent who doesn’t want to physically coerce their child into doing something they don’t want to do.  These parents often use non-physical discipline techniques like restricting privileges or “time outs”.  The problems both groups of parents report is that the methods they choose are not always effective, and parents and children both become frustrated, making family life unpleasant.

               So, what kind of discipline is the best kind?  There are experts on both sides of the fence.  Some professionals advocate the use of spanking for small (pre-kindergarten) children, as long as the spanking is administered using a limited number of swats on a clothed behind, and done with an open hand.  Most experts agree that spanking an older child is not effective, and may be detrimental to their development.

               However, using non-corporal forms of punishment isn’t always effective either.  If the parent makes threats of actions that cannot be completed, for example, or makes too many threats without following through with what was threatened, the child in question will learn that there is nothing stopping them from continuing with the poor behavior.  Another problem parents often report is that they become frustrated when the discipline doesn’t work, the frustration turns to anger, and they end up doing something that creates a reaction from the child that they didn’t want.

                The majority of the research I’ve found that has been done in the past few years shows that spanking is not an effective disciplinary method for any child over the age of 4 years.  It is questionable whether children younger than five years old are able to change their behavior when punished by spanking.  The literature specifies that spankings given with anything other than an open hand on a clothed behind is not effective.  The use of props (weapons?) only exacerbates the negative responses given by children.

                When parents are choosing methods to use to modify a child’s behavior, it is a good idea for the parent to determine exactly what result they are hoping to achieve when using the intervention.  A parent needs to ask themselves if what they are really looking for is a modification in the behavior of the child—in other words, they want the child to learn to choose a different behavior than the one they performed in a given situation.  Or, is the parent looking for a way to let the child know that the behavior they chose to use is unacceptable and not to be used again.  These two choices may sound like the same thing on the surface, but in reality, they are two very different outcomes.  The first choice—teaching the child to use a different behavior is different from the second choice—identifying and extinguishing an unacceptable behavior.  The first choice requires the use of discipline,  the second, punishment.

                Parents have the option of choosing to use discipline with their children, or to use punishment.  The choice that a parent makes depends on their own philosophy about parenting.  If the parental goal is to teach children to make good choices in behavior and the way they live their lives, the philosophy is one of discipline.  According to Prevent Child Abuse North Dakota’s website, “the goal of discipline is to create an orderly, predictable, stable, and fun world to enjoy and grow healthy,” (Smenyak, 2011).  On the other hand, the purpose of punishment is “to stop a child from doing what you don’t want—and using a painful or unpleasant method to stop him”, (Virginia Tech, 2009).  So, a parent has the option to decide whether discipline or punishment is the best response in each situation.

                Parents have told me they are convinced that spanking a child “teaches” them to avoid repeating a behavior.  My question to parents who have this opinion is “What is truly being taught?  Does the child learn an alternative behavior that is more acceptable when they are spanked?  Or, does the child learn only that the behavior being punished is unacceptable?”  Next, I ask, “Which method of changing behavior makes more sense—the method that teaches an alternative behavior that will not incur the negative response from Mom or Dad, or the method that teaches only that the behavior is unacceptable?” 

                The greatest question that concerns child experts is, however, “Won’t providing discipline that teaches an alternative behavior to be used in the future be more effective than dispensing a painful and humiliating punishment that creates anger and fear in the recipient?”

                Parents have the responsibility to mold their children’s behaviors to the rules and norms of society.  The purpose of discipline is to facilitate the teaching being done.  The question is, can choosing to use corporal punishment, even if it is not done using weapons against the child, be an effective way to change unacceptable behavior.  Data collected in a myriad of studies shows that spanking may change a child’s behavior in the moment, but it tends to foster greater chances of violent behavior from the child in the future, (Mitchell, 2010; Graham, 2001; Walton, 2012; Park, 2010).  Additionally, children who receive corporal punishment have been shown to suffer from long-term mental health issues such as mood and anxiety disorders, personality disorders, and drug and alcohol abuse, (Mann, 2012, & Seifert, 2012).  Children who are spanked are also shown to have lower IQs than their counterparts who do not receive corporal punishment, (Strauss, 2009).  Finally, parents who use corporal punishment have been shown to find a need to escalate the corporal punishment interventions over time, (Smith, 2012).  This is why less violent methods of corporal punishment (spanking with an open hand) oftentimes becomes more violent over time because parents believe they need to use more violent methods (using a paddle, switch, or belt) in order to get the same results they were able to get with less violent methods previously.

                Using non-violent teaching interventions that help a child learn to take responsibility for her behavior is far more effective in helping her to grow into being an emotionally mature adult.  A child raised this way is able to postpone pleasure, be considerate of the needs of others, be assertive without being hostile, and can tolerate discomfort when necessary, (Nieman & Shea, 2004).  The focus in using non-violent methods is to help the child learn that certain behaviors are not acceptable, and encourage him to develop skills that will result in acceptable and appropriate ways of getting his needs met.

                The process of disciplining your child without violence involves real effort.  No longer is discipline as easy as a couple of swats on your child’s behind.  True discipline involves communication with your little one, and the effort of teaching a new skill that they may or may not want to learn.  It also involves allowing your child to choose whether to modify their behavior—and to accept responsibility for their choice.  Whatever the choice they make, there must be a consequence put in place by the parent doing the discipline.  If they make the wrong choice, you may have to implement a consequence that they find unpleasant.  As their parent, you also may have to patiently stay consistent until the negative consequence is complete.  It takes more time and effort to provide non-violent discipline than it does to use corporal punishment.  However, there is a pay-off.  When your little one chooses the right choice for their behavior, you have the joy of celebrating with them!

                In over 15 years of working with parents, I have never met anyone who deliberately wanted to make their child’s life miserable.  Parents have the best intentions when they choose discipline methods to use with their children.  However, many parents don’t have a large arsenal of discipline skills available to them.  They tend to use the same kinds of discipline that was used by their parents on them.  For most parents, that means corporal punishment.  They struggle because deep inside they remember how it felt to be spanked and the internal responses they had from the punishment, even if they didn’t act out negatively at the time as a result of the punishment.  I have had parents tell me that they didn’t really like the process of spanking their children but felt helpless to find any other effective deterrent to bad behavior.

                If you would like a newer, better way to help your child learn to make appropriate behavioral choices, talk to a professional or your clergy.  Look for parenting skills classes or workshops that can help you find new skills.  If you are computer literate, go online and conduct a Google search for discipline.  Go to the library and borrow parenting books.  Join a parenting support group.  Most of all, be open to new ideas about how to improve your relationship with your child.  Discipline does not have to be physically painful.  Instead, the process can be exciting and rewarding for both you and your child.

References

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